Black Moon Lilith in the Chart: A Personal Observation

The dance with darkness begins with self acceptance

I have been tracking BLM in my own life since her transit through Pisces in 2019-2020. I know about her in my birth chart, deeply; I have the wound in the sign of the mother, Cancer, which is accurate given with my own horrific childhood. Even more accurate is the degree number, which is exactly the degree of my own sun sign, posited exactly at the beginning of my solar 12th house; 23, which nets to a 5: I learned that what I feel and believe will be released, wrong, weird, not right for me but okay for other people. In my actual chart, it is in the 3rd house, and I have extreme difficulty with having a voice. I ghost wrote for so many clients before I started writing for myself, as I was ‘proving’ that I had a voice worth listening to….even if it was someone else’s.

I did this for a number of years due to the fact I thought I was protecting myself from the world’s opinion of what I felt and believed. I was safe if I kept invisible. I was safe if I allowed my philosophy to be blurted out of the mouth of other people and it made them look cool. If I said it out loud, I would be branded as a fool (which has happened numerous times). 

In short, BLM means fear for me. But it means fear usually in clients I see, as well. The reason is that the wound is poked early on in childhood as something that is ‘wrong’ with you, or something that ‘always happens’. And with these devastating disappointments comes a level of tension that is addressed by hyper vigilance to the trigger. The fear becomes the level of worry or anxiety addressing the need to ‘stand up’ to something. I would have to stand up to my Mother, which is the most terrifying thing I could do as a child, whereas BLM in the sign of Leo would mean having to own your own self love or what you love despite you being cast as a weirdo or not belonging. BLM in Gemini is the ability to be social despite your personal philosophy; Libra would mean deep fear in how you portray your identity in relation to others. But does it mean that you experience deep fear and then run and hide? No. Quite the opposite; you get seething under the surface.

I have read and seen so many astrologers in this past 20 years of me researching this talk about the myth of Lilith and the Bible as being the seed of her energy in the chart, and that is 100 percent true. What they miss, however, is that seething anger breeds excuses and obstacles that are self created so we don’t have to address that fear. And seething anger is seething anger; there is much of it, but under that anger is something much, much, deeper….and it is the fear that we are not something enough. That something will be taken away, or something will continue to happen because it always does. That fear of being in control in order to change the story. 

Marianne Williamson wrote that ‘Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." 

That is the promise of Black Moon Lilith in the chart. You are, as she goes on to say in her book ‘Return to Love’ (an encouraging read if you are working through the Course), a child of God. We are given wings on this Earth through our unique perspective and actions we choose to make. Why aren’t we standing up? Why aren’t we pushing the limit? We are afraid of what will happen when we fail, which, on this planet, is inevitable. So why even try….?

….well….

I’m also here to tell you the minute you DO try, the minute you ARE yourself, the minute you DO stand up for yourself is when the magic happens. I can recall so many times making myself do hard things like show up, write this blog against my fear of judgement, my fear of losing or looking like an idiot. Risk looking like an idiot in order to be free of fear is more like it. That’s the invitation.

The Lilith energy is not negative in its conquest, but it is negative in its perception or how it can be experienced, which some folks do get upset by. That gives the dark feminine a bad name, but I feel it is precisely that: an opening to the dark, which gives more power to wield in that choice. You can be afraid, you can be angry, you can blame others, and on auto pilot too….OR….you claim that power back for yourself. Instead of seething anger that you bathe in order for it to be easier for you to maintain status quo, you are welcome to let it go and see what happens. You have the choice to accept it and meet it for another questioning of what can I believe in myself?

In the context of these present times, last week was a beast. I wanted to write about this aspect then, as we were collectively experiencing some thresholds to cross, but hindsight in astrology is always 20/40 when you have the time (ha). During that time, we had Mercury making aspects with BLM in addition to the Sun, so our heart and our heads were getting battered with fear facing of all kinds. We were being challenged to level up how we feel emotionally with the story that we believe we write for ourselves, which as mentioned earlier in the context of giving power away, can be a pretty tricky subject. And we may be, due to the opposition, having to relate to it and be pretty pissed off about that. In the sign of Gemini, our hearts are seeing in the day to day what the larger story that we want to write maybe falling short in what we engage with. Maybe we want the thing, but we are afraid we aren’t enough for the thing, and instead of facing that fear and accepting it (therefore changing its trajectory immediately) we get mad that we can’t have what we want. Combine that with a south node in Virgo and you got the overwhelming need to let go of what plates you thought you needed to balance in order to keep the order.

In my personal case, it came from fear. Fear that something wouldn’t work out due to my overwhelming fear that I did not deserve that luxury, when it was absolutely nothing to the other person I was asking of. Insert Black Moon Lilith here. It came out fine, and I stood my ground, shaky knees and all. But that was a Black Moon Lilith in Sagittarius experience. My story of why the day to day couldn’t be enjoyed (and this was during the Venus/Jupiter conjunction!) was challenged by the fear keeping me stuck in a method of doing things that were out of date. Again, I had to learn the lesson of going with the flow. 

Now she is in the final decan of Sagittarius, still challenging that story for a least another few months. What to expect during this time is facing the fear of moving the needle in making long term beliefs not angry and bitter, but rooted in deep trust within yourself to what you feel you can believe. And it can be the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, if you feel and believe it; but you do have to be open to the data (Gemini) for acceptance. That is the hard part; especially if there is a ‘story’ around it. Look inside that story and see where the updating can benefit; this is where Black Moon Lilith is challenging us right now.